An Ironic Consumer review by Ridley
Ladies and Gentlemen, toes and heels, corn sufferers abroad, Dr. Scholls has done it again! It's his answer to the edible bra: The Edible Insole! Made from a space age edible polymer, this insole promises to put "big fruity flavor" in one of your "big gummy feet".
They color-coded the tasty looking insole according to the amount of pressure your feet incur while walking. Obviously the red color in the heel denotes the area that receives the most impact force. The middle is colored greenish/blue, which must mean little or no pressure, and the toes are coded yellow for a mild pressure area. Each zone is flavored cleverly to match the pressure zones, for example, cherry for the red area, blueberry for the middle, and tangy lemon for the toes.
Oh, alright, I snuck a few licks but it was only to verify the flavors, honest! I can imagine the commercials we'll soon see. "Are you gellin'? Im gellin', AND smellin'! Fruity!” They seem to only sell the product in an approximate size 8. Since I wear size 14 shoes, I'll have to make do for the review until the new sizes are released. So begins the rigorous testing....
I worked 10 hours. It was hard, sweaty work, but throughout the day I took few bites out of the Edible Insole whenever I felt in need of a quick energy boost. How handy! When I finally got home and jerked it out of my shoe, it was rather... dirty.
Needless to say I was suprised that it was still intact. My feet must have sweated a pint! This stuff is great! I just HAD to take a bite...
MMMMMMmmmmm! Through the grit and saltiness, I could still taste the tangy lemon flavor! Now, to see if my foot became gummy and absorbed any flavor...
Yessir! I could smell that fruity flavor throughout the bottom of my foot! It really works!
I washed the insole off in the sink and put it in its storage container for the next day.
I slipped the insole into my hiking boot and headed towards the mountains. The bottom of my foot squished and squashed inside the boot each time my heel struck rock, dirt or root. I came home that evening and removed my hiking boot. It looks like I really pushed the delicious therapeutic marvel to the limit this day.
Oh well, my foot DID get quite a massage during the hike. Imagine having a bunch of rocks in your shoe, except the rocks were soft like Jell-O. That's what it felt like.
You know... I really shouldn't... but that big fruity flavorful smell is just too much to resist!
The insole kept it's flavor, but so did my foot. I guess neutralizing foot sweat isn't high on the priorities of Dr. Scholl. All in all, this is a very comfortable, tasty addition to the inside of your uncomfortable shoe.
I give this product 3 out of 5 toes!
- Ridley's teeth double as nail clippers. His nose hair doubles as a dense jungle. And his thumbs double as joints.
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